Birthdays

Birthdays, when I was younger were full of fun. A day I looked forward to for the simple pleasure of knowing that all my friends would call and those who really mattered would meet me. This year, I literally tried to run away, having booked tickets to Shirdi just so that I could get away from the tediousness of it all. I didn’t go in the last minute but frankly even though the day was okay, the run up to it was something I could have done without.

My closest friends have been going through pretty much the same thing this year. Sa, had a similar experience last year when she wanted to get away from it all. Na, who celebrates like no one I knew has been pretty subdued this time. Pt didn’t want any fuss and has been even quieter around that time of the year. As we grow older what is it that stops us from taking joy from things which were once such unequivocal avenues of pleasure?

Is it the fact that we are held hostage by birthdays to be really true measures of the extent of our failures? Or is the fact that it reminds us of the promise we showed but never really fulfilled? Or is it the simple lack of optimism that envelops you as you grow older and cynical? Maybe all the hype and hoopla around it? Or maybe the pressure to make it count? Whatever be the reason these birth-days are no longer fun- there are fewer people than there were and even fewer with whom we want us to be. A stark reminder of the many things that never worked out the way we wanted them to.

This year, I wanted to get away everything and everyone I knew….as everything familiar bred contempt. Whenever I am worried or depressed I know exactly what ails me, but for once everything around me bothered me. But thankfully the day went on decently, because I believed that it was an ordinary day not a special one. It did turn out to be decent and I’m so grateful for those few people who were around and wanted to stick around for me!

To birthdays, each one more gloomier than its predecessor.

Roots

How important is it that you are truly who you are? I’ve been meeting with so many people who do exactly what they are supposed to do, irrespective of what they really want. Socialites who pretend to be everything they aren’t, people (including myself) lying to fit into various things- from conversations to jobs and those who have gone so deep that they can’t even realize who they are.

I met a lovely lady the other day, Shailaja Tahiliani, Tarun Tahiliani’s wife and was completely bowled over by her. At the launch of his first store in Hyderabad, the place looked like a war zone. With models hurrying around, the store manager’s fussing around and people generally acting important. I was rushing against a deadline and when I saw Tarun speak to her, I walked up to her, told her that I needed to get some work done and asked her if she works with the designer… She smiled, told me that she was his wife and told the PR to help me out. Later I heard her speak to half a dozen journalists who were amazed that she came from Guntur and spoke better Telugu than most of us.(believe me when I say half people I meet pretend that they cant speak their mother tongue, Telugu, as it isn’t cool enough)

All through the day, I was thinking about what keeps us away from doing things that we really want to, like not speaking a language as we are afraid as to how others might judge us, pretending to be cool as we are insecure in our own skins and wanting to belong in places which were never meant for us. Puzzlingly, Shailaja might or might not have succumbed to the pressure (I mean in all probability she married a gay designer) but the way she spoke and carried herself showed that she was at ease and that was what she was supposed to be doing. For some reason, all I’ve been thinking about for the last few days is whether I’m being true to what I’m doing and hopefully the answer will be a little merciful…

Sunny Days

I met Sunny Leone yesterday and was totally floored by her grace and poise. We build so much impression of those we don’t know that it comes as a great relief when you are wrong. I expect someone fake, dumb and airy she came across as pleasant, well read and very intelligent. In the small time I met her and questioned her about her adult movies, she replied that she did what she did and it was not wrong in her eyes…no regret and no apology just because she made it big in Bollywood now. I was charmed on my part when she praised the city, and the way she handled herself when a mob of photographers almost fell on her…by simply saying… “Bhaiyya coffee gir jaayegi…” and making them retreat. Sunny days ahead.

I have been regularly irregular on this space because I didn’t feel like writing. Even thought I would delete my blog but something made me stop and get back. The past two months have been confusing and bewildering for various reasons and I am simply glad to be here. I have grown a year old and am hoping that wisdom will not be amiss this time.

Simply dont like the changes done to this website. Is there any way we can get the old, user friendly format back?